"...ye beware thy animals, thou art foul machines."
- King Kong Bible (toilet reader)

I) Hiding in My Sleep Depravation Tank

Some people say there's something wrong with me and the animal kingdom. I tell them because they don't know we're being observed. When you're at my apartment, don't pet them. Don't let them know we're on to them; and I tell my wife, "Madalin, don't let them in." It's not easy trying to convince people of the conspiracy. At least the NRA believes me. I say there's still a chance to pile them up. A building sized mound of burning fur. I decided to make a trip to Binder Park Zoo yesterday. I threw letters into the cages saying, "I know who you are. Tell God to please leave me alone." I can't watch. I can't think. What's going wrong? The cockroaches in my cupboard are always smiling at me when I reach for the corned beef. I can't read. I can't sleep. What's going wrong? Even with my pets; dogs and cats among them; 'cuz everybody knows pets are just camcorders for God. Staying close. Watching and filming my actions. Drunk in the bathroom. Smiling in my car. On the sidewalk asking for a cigarette. Or even when I'm good. Betrayed by my cat. I swear, It's always my cat. Always my cat.